Whatever changes developed from these areas are not serving you well. That’s the bottom line! These are not changes that you want to remain LASTING in your life.

What to do with them?

Identify them clearly. Take a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual inventory. Decide what is not serving you well.

Let’s begin today by taking a physical inventory of what symptoms or feelings are presenting themselves.

Sit down with a pad of paper and write “Physical” at the top. Now objectively observe yourself physically and feel what is carrying negative energy. As you observe yourself, you will notice what’s carrying negative energy by the negative self-talk you hear yourself saying or an uncomfortable feeling you begin to recognize in the pit of your stomach.

Please do not add to these negative feelings by compounding the negative self-talk with comments showing judgment or criticism. Please just observe. You are doing this exercise to begin to create positive change, not add to any physical pain.

So as you observe, ask yourself these questions and jot down the answers:

• I am uncomfortable at this current weight.
• I need to either weigh more or less to feel comfortable in this weight.
• It feels difficult to look at myself in a mirror.
• I am tired much of the day.
• I have trouble falling asleep at night.
• I wake up frequently at night and have difficulty falling back to sleep.
• I am not able to smile at myself in the mirror when I see myself.
• I do not like my hair.
• I do not like how I dress.
• I feel uncomfortable with the shape of my body.
• I won’t look at myself in a mirror when I pass by one.
• The first words that come to my mind to describe myself physically are negative.
• I cannot use the words, “I love” and “my body” in the same sentence.
• My body is not serving me well.
• I can immediately tell you the part of my body that I need to change.

This is an exercise of awareness. If you answered yes to the majority of these questions, then there are physical changes that have happened that are not serving you well.

How can you be happy or at peace when this negative energy is present in your aura?
Put this inventory aside and let’s move on and take an emotional inventory in the next post. Remembering that AWARENESS CREATES CHANGE.

Without awareness there is no change! So find yourself looking forward to clearly identifying what is going on in your life as you do this important work!

Join me on my next post to discover what’s happening emotionally for you!

New Pathway to Healing
Connect to Mind – Body – Spirit with Petey Silveira

But what about those souls that are making changes and it is not for their higher good? These may be changes that become the inevitable by-product due to grieving, anxiety, divorce, physical challenges or other stressors in their life.

We could call them changes, or are they really just symptoms of the underlying problem? The changes that can evolve from these situations may be addiction issues connected with eating, drinking, drugs or sex. These “coping mechanisms” may turn into obsessive compulsive behaviors, panic attacks, depression, phobias such as agoraphobia, acrophobia, claustrophobia, or even turn into fears about something relatively benign like driving in a car, going out socially, going to your job, or even going to get your hair cut!

I’ve had clients come into my office presenting with every one of these symptoms. They were all from a change made in their life due to something that they felt was beyond their control. They didn’t have this awareness at the time, but it became an intrusive and irritating behavior that ended up taking center stage over the REAL problem.

It is a human quality for you to want to feel like you have a level of control in your life. Even if it’s a semblance of feeling in control, it makes life feel more manageable. But it’s an interesting phenomenon that occurs when bad stuff happens to good people! Rabbi Harold S. Kushner actually wrote a most interesting book about it entitled, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People.”

So actually no, not all changes are for the positive and people aren’t able to have positive feelings associated with them.

Join me tomorrow for Part 2 of this post when I talk more about what to do with these changes!

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I decided to ask some of my friends and clients this question, and here are their responses. You may find that special nugget of brilliance that you haven’t been able to quite grasp before from their answers. Perhaps you’ll even capture and make a lasting change with something you’ve worked hard on!

Joy said, “I decided that I was ready to stop taking everything someone said to me so personally. Every time I heard myself say something silently to that effect I would say, “Whoa, slow down Joy. Wait a minute, I don’t have to think that way…and I would stop thinking it.” I had to say that a lot in the beginning, almost every minute, but now I just find myself noticing what I’ve said and instantly from the “whoa,” I’m able to reframe it to “this isn’t about them, it’s about me. I’m meeting my needs and feeling comfortable with what I’m saying…I’m good!” This is one change that’s staying. I was so tired and drained by how I used to think constantly. Now I just accept that everyone has their “stuff,” and I move on with my life!

Dorothy has made her up and down swing of 20 pounds in her weight to going back to maintaining her most comfortable weight for the last year now. How? She decided it was time to not spend so much time and energy throughout her whole life worrying about something. She was ready to free herself from suffering in this area. She decided on what had been her most comfortable weight in the past, made a plan to get there and has stayed there. She was ready for change in this area of her life. She had decided to value and love her body to the point where it has become automatic to treat it lovingly with how she eats, exercises, sleeps and speaks to it. Permanent change!

Stan was a complete black and white thinker when he came to me for therapy. This applied to his wife, children, career and himself. There was only right or wrong, win or lose, fact or fiction, good or bad. Of course this created resistance, defensiveness and anger on the part of all those personalities he dealt with on a daily basis. He became tired of the struggle and through his work on himself he saw that he felt this way because of how judgmental and critical he had always been with HIMSELF. He decided to ACCEPT himself, and in the process he started seeing that there were no absolutes in life. People were human, and once he stopped judging himself so harshly he stopped judging himself. One day in therapy Stan’s son said to him in a family session, “I don’t like your house rules, I don’t like you.” He was amazed when his father lovingly smiled and said that he was sorry he felt that way, but his son was entitled to his opinion. His son was blown away since his “old” father would have gotten up and yelled at him. True acceptance..no matter what..it’s a beautiful thing to watch!

What change have you managed to sustain? How did you do it? Won’t you share? You could spark something for someone that could be life-changing FOREVER!!

New Pathway to Healing
Connect to Mind – Body – Spirit with Petey Silveira

Over the last 30 years I’ve worked with so many types of personalities in doing therapeutic work, coaching, mentoring and honestly even as just being a friend and helping someone with a problem or issue they had. When I feel stuck, I certainly go to someone who is a dear friend or to a trusted expert in their field and move past any hurdles that I’ve inadvertently put in my path or that has been placed there by another soul who is just usually working on their own “stuff.”

But the one tool I’ve found to be most helpful to keep people engaged in their new practice is the tool of “homeostasis.”

I’ve written about this briefly on a couple of other posts, but this is a tool I speak to and use quite a bit in my practice. Homeostasis for those that haven’t heard of this term is “when the mind and body gravitates back to the feeling it has known best.” Usually this is the feeling people knew best when growing up. Until there is an awareness of what your homeostasis is in life in a particular area, you could make all the changes in the world and your body and mind will slowly and subtly begin to gravitate back to the same feeling it has known. It is truly as if there is a magnet pulling you back to feeling anxious, fearful, angry, isolated, depressed, numb, overwhelmed, terrified or a myriad of other negative feelings that draw you away from the positive changes you have made back to what feels most FAMILIAR.

You have this “familiar” homeostasis in your relationships, self-esteem, financial situation, physical body, parenting style, spirituality and emotional areas. Until each homeostasis has been clearly identified, processed and redefined, your wonderful changes will not last!

I feel so strongly about this tool that I’ve developed a very dynamic module that you can work on to bring a complete metamorphosis into your life! You decide the area you want to work on! Once you do it one time, then you can repeat it in any additional areas. I’m going to give you the blueprint, teach you how to identify it clearly, and then mentor or coach you to make these changes LAST!!

I’ll give you the formula, questions and tools for each area. As you write your answers, I’ll respond to them on this module. Since it’s online, you can do it at any time of the day that works best for you, and I’ll respond within 24 hours!

Are you willing to do the work to make changes last in your life? Be on the lookout to learn the secret to making changes last in your life. I’ll be posting the link for you to find out how, where, when and how much! See you soon!

New Pathway to Healing
Connect to Mind – Body – Spirit with Petey Silveira

Can your changes remain constant when the other people in your life change?

This is an interesting statement to me. You work so hard to create change where it is needed in your life and then other things change in your life that creates other changes simply by virtue of that change.

What do you do? Do you grow and adapt to those new changes? Do you make those hard earned changes stay put in your life that you have worked so diligently on?

Let me give you an example of something I’m working with on with a client.

Sue has worked hard and long on her ability to reframe her negative self-talk, trust in herself, stop taking things so personally and to find her voice so she can express herself and communicate openly with her husband about her feelings.

She had already made the long journey of healing in therapy through resolving her childhood sexual abuse and the physical manifestations of stress that came through in the form of migraines, panic attacks and agoraphobia. She has come full circle from a Sunday church day religious practice at a young age to no spiritual practices at all. Then she fell back around to a place of finding a wonderful community of spirituality where meditation and listening within the silence has allowed her to continue to heal from her past wounds.

Yet after being peaceful for a space of a couple of months and trying to get used to these positive changes she is making within herself, she finds that her husband, who is on his own healing journey, withdrawing somewhat. She is feeling at a loss as to what to do.

She’s also experiencing difficulties in her own career. She recently relocated from another state and began her business over again which is proving to be much more of a challenge than she ever thought possible.

Do these changes in her life cause other changes to emerge for her? Can she continue her art of therapeutic reframe and express her feelings in a good communication way even if she feels they’re not being received the same? Should she continue her positive trust in the affirmations she uses even when her business is not showing signs of prosperity yet?

Yes, yes and yes! Remembering and trusting that adversities are placed in your path for a reason can help you definitely continue your positive practices. Knowing that in the past each piece of your life that was troubling you was met and eventually passed on by can allow you to know that, “this too shall pass.” You were placed in this lifetime to move through any and all adversities. It is part and parcel of the path taken when entering this lifetime. If things were perfect we would no longer have a reason to stay on this plane.

So know this clearly and see it for what it is. It is an opportunity to move past another human hurdle and be at peace again.

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Connect to Mind – Body – Spirit with Petey Silveira

I’m sure if you looked back on the spiritual path of your own life you would be able to see its evolution to what practices you engage in at the present time. Most of the clients I work with actually either began a religious practice as a child by what their parents believed in and modeled for them. As they got older the majority of clients ceased to practice in the same sect from their childhood and instead began searching for something that made them feel fulfilled spiritually.

This speaks to the big difference between the phrases “religious practices” and “spiritual practices.” Many people choose not to participate in formalized religious services, but instead find their own spiritual practices within their daily routine of meditation or prayer.

Many people I’ve worked with feel a connection with a spiritual presence when they write, play music, or sit in nature. Sitting on a bench near a waterfall can bring a peaceful presence to your body, mind and spirit that can carry the connection to spirit to the forefront. Many find this same connection to spirit as they walk the beach at sunrise, paddle a canoe out to the middle of a lake, or climb a winding path in the woods to find the presence of spirit on the mountaintop.

Connecting with this space can be felt for many by sitting in a church, synagogue, riding a horse, watching the rain fall or listening to the wind blow through the leaves on a tree….the choice is yours to make.

So does spiritual growth stay constant, or is it really ever-changing? I do see it as changing to adapt to your spiritual needs at hand. For some that are grieving and looking for solace it may be found in meditation or at a religious service. For those that are looking for peace or answers as to the meaning of life, they may find it in nature or even when spending time with a child or a beloved pet.

There is no right answer and there doesn’t seem to be a spiritual solution to fit all. As you grow and make changes, your spiritual practice will grow and make changes as well. That is a blessing to all that seek comfort in this area.

New Pathway to Healing
Connect to Mind – Body – Spirit with Petey Silveira

This is a subject that comes up many times in my practice. Many of my clients have been through drastic swings in their finances as many of you have most likely experienced.

Some have gone from literally having a million dollars or more in their portfolio to less than $100,000. That is quite a swing, isn’t it? It’s always interesting for others to read this coming from their perspective and think, “I’d be so grateful if I had $100,000.” And perspective is the key to much that we will talk about here.

To some that would be enough money to not have to worry on a daily basis about how to pay their electric bill or put food on the table. For others that come from having had an affluent lifestyle to one that they feel is almost poverty level, the difference is substantial. They have great fears that they will never be able to retire, travel or live in the same kind of lifestyle they had come to enjoy.

So the question may be, “Why are there not lasting changes financially for people in a lifetime?” The answer may be that gaining a different perspective can be an enlightening experience! Perhaps it can provide clarity of thought to the gesture of showing gratitude NO MATTER what level of their income is at the time.

Incomes fluctuate greatly. They go up and down dependent on the economy, your health, position in life and career. If you are at a constant state of anxiety or worry about your finances, it is difficult to find peace and joy in this lifetime. When you are in a place of gratitude for all your financial situations knowing that it is for a specific reason, then peace and joy can follow your financial path as well.

Again it is your choice on how to handle any and all of these changes. If you are one of the ones to have actually had a lasting positive change in your finances, congratulations! If not, know that you WILL be there again!

I’ve had a saying my whole life, “Money comes and money goes, but joy can remain within you no matter what!”

New Pathway to Healing
Connect to Mind – Body – Spirit with Petey Silveira 

Many of the clients that make appointments to see me enter my door with symptoms of severe depression, anxiety or grief. As we work on one or more of these areas and identify the root cause of such emotions, their awareness becomes refocused on the systemic cause instead of fixated on the symptom.

This is very helpful in order to acquire the necessary awareness to make changes in this area become lasting ones.

This is not to say that they will never feel some level of depression or despair again however. Life is life, and it has its ups and downs with having to experience the process of life and death, whether of a physical nature or an emotional one like separation or divorce. Or perhaps you may encounter a physical problem that can throw your emotional self backwards in despair. Maybe your relationship has become challenged by children, finances, or a myriad of human struggles that grace our human path in this lifetime.

So yes, while the emotional state of depression, anxiety or angst can return at different points in your lifetime, what becomes changed is the manner in which you will choose to deal with such problems. Once you have gone through your first depression, bout of panic attacks or angst successfully, you also now have the blueprint in the cells of your body and mind on how to handle these precarious feelings once again.

Each opportunity that allows you to move through the difficult feelings and emerge on the other side with feelings of peace and tranquility, moves your soul closer and closer to that state of acceptance and harmony. This is why we chose this human lifetime experience in the first place!

If you need to master the blueprint for success with these issues that may emerge for you over and over again, feel free to email me at petey@newpathwaytohealing.com, and we can set up several coaching sessions via Skype, phone or face-to-face that will empower you to handle any future life concerns.

New Pathway to Healing
Connect to Mind – Body – Spirit with Petey Silveira

Mary spoke of her 15-year marriage with her husband and noted the changes they had made since thy entered couples counseling. They had greatly improved their level of communication with each other. In the past, Mary had not been able to say any of her feelings to David and would instead be passive aggressive if she was unhappy with him. It wasn’t at all uncommon for her to just stop speaking to him for days at a time and he would be clueless as to what she was upset about. She would always just say she was tired or busy or too distracted to talk with him, but the reality of the situation was that she was seething inside at perhaps a careless remark he had made or a personal slight she felt she had received from him.

In return, David would become so frustrated that he would go out and spend quite a bit of money on things he knew would infuriate her. However, now they can sit down and express how they are feeling with the tools they learned in therapy, and it feels very healthy and good for both of them. Mary absolutely wants this to be a lasting change!

I asked Sam this same question. He had come into therapy to work on his relationship with his brother. They were both in their thirties, he being the older by 3 years. They had a very adversarial relationship since they were little. When we explored it further, he felt it was because his parents had promoted a very competitive spirit between them. He felt his parents showed favoritism as to which brother they deemed was doing better in their life at the time. His brother regularly called him to gloat about promotions, raises and the newest pretty girl he was dating at the time.

My client tried to use good communication tools that he had learned with his brother to express how he was feeling, but it was to no avail. His brother was not at the same place emotionally and continued to taunt Sam saying he was just jealous. My client decided to take a break emotionally and physically from this relationship, so he could be at a more peaceful place in his life.

So when I asked him if he wanted this to be a lasting change in his life, he gave a definite “no.” This change worked for awhile until he could see whether or not either he would feel differently about his brother. Or hopefully his brother would open up and start talking about things at a different level.

What about you? Do you want changes in your relationships to last forever or perhaps not? There is no right or wrong answer, only the one that resonates best with you!

New Pathway to Healing
Connect to Mind – Body – Spirit with Petey Silveira

That change is one of gaining and losing weight throughout their lifetime!

As I watched my son and his wife give birth to two adorable identical twin girls last month, I was very aware of their weight since they came a month early. They were in the neonatal unit for three weeks as pre-mature babies, and with each “gram” they gained, our family cheered with joy! I have never been so happy to see a 3 pound, 3 ounce baby gain an ounce or two!

I watched as my own children grew up and became silently uncomfortable in those pre-adolescent years! Standing outside and inside dressing rooms with children bemoaning the fact that they were not as slim as their classmates and didn’t have their clothes fit the way they wanted can make a shopping trip quite uncomfortable. Then watching as they became involved with sports and their height kicked in to match their bodies was a joy even when they were still being self critical.

Why is that? How has society transformed self-work, self-confidence, self-esteem with the skinny models on every magazine cover? It reminds me of the advertising campaign that Dove produced which shed light on women’s self-esteem – click here to see this moving clip!

Why is a size 10, 12 or 14 not beautiful? Why is inner beauty never really spoken of in school? Maybe that’s why the Renaissance period has always held my interest. Those curved beauties that posed for the painters of that era were held in such esteem.

It really does all go back to perception, doesn’t it? If you’re ready to perceive a little extra weight as beautiful, one could be at peace. Just like on my grandbabies…my heart sings when I finally see a little fullness come to their cheeks and a little crease on their wrist. As all of us in our family have gone up and down with our weight, yet I’ve always considered each period as beautiful. Of course they tell me that’s just because I’m a mother and my love is blind? Well, I hope it always is!

What is your happy weight? Yes, when you’re ready to acknowledge your inner beauty, all of a sudden the outer beauty is there as well. It really is an amazing phenomenon. Self-love translates from the inner to the outer every single time. Once you’ve mastered that change, you will find your happy weight!

New Pathway to Healing
Connect to Mind – Body – Spirit with Petey Silveira