Are men and women truly so different in how they love?
One would definitely think so in listening to clients. I wrote a blog post titled “How Do Men Love” with typical questions 
women have asked me over the years about men. So this post is for the men who are trying to understand the women they love. Believe it or not, men are just as baffled by the woman’s psyche and her capacity to love.
Some of the most typical questions I’m asked by men are:
• Why is she so emotional every time we talk about something?
• Can’t she just accept me the way I am? She knew who I was when we got married. Why is it not good enough now?
• I want to have sex with her to feel connected. Can’t it just be that simple?
• Talk, talk, talk…why does she want to talk about everything and anything?
• Sometimes I get so confused. I can’t tell if she loves me or hates me?
• I think she loves the kids (or pets) more than me! Why doesn’t she pay me the same attention she used to?
• I’m just a simple man. Why does she have to make everything such a big deal? If I say I just want to make her dinner it doesn’t mean there’s a hidden agenda!
These are pretty typical questions men ask me in session. Even though men and women are the same species, women are still quite unique and different!
Yes, universally women do like to talk more about their feelings than men. That’s one of the innate differences between men and women’s brains and how they process information. Using feeling words and empathy in communicating with women is using their love language. It is caring, responsive, active, engaging and loving to try to communicate in a similar fashion as the person you’re with in life. When you don’t speak in those terms, you will find that women are not as responsive physically because their emotional needs are not being met.
Can it really be that simple? If you look at studies conducted by The Gottman Institute with couples in marriage counseling, it is that simple. Use feeling words, show empathy and watch what happens! Love, respect, admiration, connectedness and joy roll out as the results.
Men often think that empathy is a foreign language. They tend to be so behaviorally based that they think buying flowers can be seen as a substitute for sitting down and listening to their beloved’s day. And that is a wonderful thing to start with I might add, but listening to her with FULL attention creates magic! To BE there with her emotionally and reframe situations is the added bonus that can vaporize mood swings, feeling overwhelmed by children, financial issues, career challenges, and the rest of the 101 stressors that come from being in this human lifetime.
Practice these skills, and you and your significant other will be on the same page no matter what. She will feel loved, and you won’t have to ask me those questions anymore!
What works the best for you to connect with your loved one?
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